I killed my sourdough starter! I tried gluten free sourdough starter as an experiment a few months ago. Everything was going really well, until a week or so of neglect, then it died. Now I have to start over.....that's ok, I will take you with me!
As a celiac, bread is something I dont really eat. Commercial gluten free bread is expensive and honestly, not that good. I have baked many loaves and tried many recipes. It always turns out dense, dry and disappointing.
I had a day where I needed some bread. I will die today if I dont eat some bread is what my heart said. So I bought some gluten free sourdough. It was $7 for 5 slices. Geez. I made 2 peices of garlic bread and then pretty much devoured the rest of the loaf. It was SOOOOOO good. I must make this!
So on to pinterest and research and find out how I can make my own. For less money and more work. That's how I like it. I made the starter, fed it attentively and watched it bubble and ferment. YAY!!! I baked bread, made bagels, muffins, pancakes and a chocolate cake for my birthday.
It was all so good. Filled my belly and my need for bread. Then I had a busy week or two at work and neglected to feed my starter at the right times. Slowly it started to die. Less bubbles, no yeasty smell, and mold! One must be committed to this stuff! This time, I will do better. Faced with the prospect of no bread for 2 weeks is a sad day.
Let's make some starter!
You need a glass jar, brown rice flour, water and a coffee filter.
The first 7 days are the most critical. After that you can relax a bit.
To begin mix together 1/4 cup rice flour with 1/4 cup water in your jar and cover with coffee filter. Set on your counter. If you have other ferments going, such as kombucha or kraut, you want to keep sourdough starter away from them as they can weaken each other.
For the next 7 days you will want to feed your starter 3 times a day. 1/4 cup flour and 1/4 cup water. Timing isnt super crucial as long as you space it out. I do when I wake up, around lunchtime and before I go to bed.
After 7 days you can bake!! The starter also will go into maintenance stage at this point. It will need feeding at least once a day but I like to stick with twice. Every 12 hours or so. I will share my bread recipe in a later post.
Also, I have started an experimental YouTube channel. It is Joyous Prairies and i will be sharing more about my life there. My therapist has encouraged me to do this and I hope it will be a benefit to you all and myself. See you next time-joy
Monday, March 25, 2019
Monday, March 4, 2019
Therapy is hard.
I started going to counseling in November . I was desperate. I was feeling lost, stalled by the grief of losing Dad and overwhelmed by life. I knew many things in my life were out of balance but didnt know how to change them. Repeating the same sick patterns for years upon years doesn't change your situation. So to therapy I went. I have made feeble attempts at this before. Usually quitting when things started to hurt. It is easier to stay in familiar patterns than change.
I went in thinking I would sit and talk about the things that make me sad, be validated for my feelings and get fixed up. It's more than that.
I have to look at myself. Look at the parts of my life and relationships that are dysfunctional. Things I have ALLOWED. Things I continue to allow. All the times I should speak up and dont. Examining my own headspace and thought patterns. Calling myself out on reapeating thoughts that make no sense.
Work has to be done. I have to call myself out. I have to stop allowing bad behavior from others I love. But its painful. It is easier to allow others to treat me the way they always have. Asking for a different way and voicing my needs feels selfish. I have to get out of my own way, allow healing to happen. Trust the process and do the things my therapist says to do. That is hard.
I will stick this out. I am in this to win. A happier heart, a better wife, a better mama. I am nothing to anyone if I am suffering inside. I dont want to fall back into a repeating self punishing pattern. In my family, addiction and self punishing is rampant. I dont want that for myself or my children. It killed my dad. It killed my gramma. For myself, for them, I will keep trying. Its painful, it's very hard. I feel guilty about these things that are beyond my control. I have a feeling that I am failing everyone but when I look back, I am making progress. Spring is coming and I cannot wait to get back in the dirt and sun
See you next time-joy
Monday, January 14, 2019
Spring cleaning
Ok, its January. I realize that is not spring where I live. My mom always called this process spring cleaning so that's what I call it. The last thing I want to do when spring finally comes is clean my house. I want to be outside in the sun, the mud, and the fresh air. So most years right after the Christmas tree comes down, spring cleaning begins.
It's not really fun in the classic sense of the word but I do enjoy it. I am REALLY bored this time of year so this seems like a better thing to do than watch videos or eat chips. Which is otherwise what I would most likely be doing. And feeling down and wondering why my house isnt clean.
Anyways, I am really good at keeping my house tidy, washing dishes every day, doing laundry, mopping floors and vacuuming often. You know, every day stuff. Dusting, cleaning ceiling fans, organizing closets, tackling piles of clutter.....not so good. I prefer to leave that sit for a long time and then when I am really disgusted, tackle it all at once. Well kinda.
When I do a spring clean, my goal is one room a week. Starting with one wall per day. I know a room has only 4 walls but that gives you a few days off if you have to do things like go to work or care for a family or things like that. Kids and husbands really expect to be fed day after day. Like every day. Even if cobwebs are hanging from the corners and you cant close your closet doors. Really? Where are their priorities?
I start at the top of a wall. Every thing comes off the wall. If you have a lot of cobwebs you might need to sweep them off so you dont have a rain of wet dust falling on you. Ick. Then I wipe the wall top to bottom and scrub the base board. After all wall hangings get inspected to see if I want to put them back up or not, the winners get a wipe and polish and hung back up. Sometimes it's easier to donate things than hang them back up so I do just that. Minimalism at its finest!!
If the wall you are working on contains a closet or cabinet, everything comes out. Everything. If I havent used it in a year it gets tossed or donated. Be ruthless. Shoving it back in the closet will not make you use it more. It just makes a mess. A mess or clutter is visual noise and we all need more peace in our lives, not more noise.
While you work wall by wall and room by room make a list of things that need repair or replacing. Such as chipped paint, dents in walls from teenage boys, banisters that have duct tape on the end because someone broke it and that was my no splinters quick fix. Seriously. I have duct tape on my banister. Classy.
My cleaning solution is simple, hot water, a squirt of dish soap, 10ish drops of essential oil and if it's a greasy area like a kitchen, 1 cup of vinegar. I like to use some bleach if I am doing a bathroom but dont tell my natural friends that. I hope to do a clothing closet post soon to give some tips on keeping your wardrobe happy. Spring is coming, it really is.
See you next time -joy
Monday, November 5, 2018
Grain free chickens in winter
Saturday was a bad day to be a rooster. With snow in the forecast and freezing nights, it was time to get the gang of teenage roosters ready for my freezer. Saturday was that day. Thank you little roos for feeding my family.
Every fall I have to prepare for my "winter flock", the ones who will be productive for the next spring. Top of the list for elimination is the young roosters that are a result of the previous springs hatch. You simply cannot keep them all. I had about 20 running around the yard! Young roosters are like teenage boys, they chase my hens around, wander too far, make too much noise, eat ALL the food, and they fight. They are, on the bright side, delicious. And grain free!
After I get the flock narrowed down to my winter number, winter feeding program begins. I supplement the produce and kitchen scraps they already receive with black sunflower seeds. The kind you buy for wild birds. Black sunflower seeds have extra protein and fat that my hens need to stay warm and lay eggs. They usually get this from bugs but below freezing, bugs are pretty scarce. I did go one winter without sunflower seeds. It was a disaster. No eggs and the older hens died. Sub zero winters require supplemental feed. Even for my hardy old girls.
Feeding looks a little different as well. Instead of just dumping all my produce on the compost pile I have to put out only what they will eat in a short time twice a day. Otherwise it freezes, gets covered with snow or isnt eaten. Then at night before lockup I give them their seeds. About one gallon to 25 hens. When it is below zero, the produce goes right in the coop with them. They are always really happy to get fresh food! Especially greens. As you can imagine, salad is pretty scarce in a snow covered landscape for a chicken. It is a bit more labor intensive than filling a feeder with grain and walking away but I feel like the egg and meat quality is worth it. We will see how this winter goes! See you next time-joy
Every fall I have to prepare for my "winter flock", the ones who will be productive for the next spring. Top of the list for elimination is the young roosters that are a result of the previous springs hatch. You simply cannot keep them all. I had about 20 running around the yard! Young roosters are like teenage boys, they chase my hens around, wander too far, make too much noise, eat ALL the food, and they fight. They are, on the bright side, delicious. And grain free!
After I get the flock narrowed down to my winter number, winter feeding program begins. I supplement the produce and kitchen scraps they already receive with black sunflower seeds. The kind you buy for wild birds. Black sunflower seeds have extra protein and fat that my hens need to stay warm and lay eggs. They usually get this from bugs but below freezing, bugs are pretty scarce. I did go one winter without sunflower seeds. It was a disaster. No eggs and the older hens died. Sub zero winters require supplemental feed. Even for my hardy old girls.
Feeding looks a little different as well. Instead of just dumping all my produce on the compost pile I have to put out only what they will eat in a short time twice a day. Otherwise it freezes, gets covered with snow or isnt eaten. Then at night before lockup I give them their seeds. About one gallon to 25 hens. When it is below zero, the produce goes right in the coop with them. They are always really happy to get fresh food! Especially greens. As you can imagine, salad is pretty scarce in a snow covered landscape for a chicken. It is a bit more labor intensive than filling a feeder with grain and walking away but I feel like the egg and meat quality is worth it. We will see how this winter goes! See you next time-joy
Monday, October 29, 2018
Rainy days
I am going to attempt to explain what a depressive episode is like for me. I am currently struggling. I had an extended period of high stress and then an autoimmune flare so now I am going through a hard time. An old sweet friend of mine calls it "a dark night of the soul"
I am not really sad, at least I cant put my finger on what I am sad about. I feel numb, vacant, like I am frozen inside. My body hurts, my heart hurts. Everything is an effort.
I have struggled with depression as long as I can remember. An Aunt of mine used to call me "Suzy sad eyes" so maybe as a child I had troubles too, I dont remember.
It runs in my family, I think all the women on my moms side have struggled.
I want to be better, I want to work through it, figure it out, and beat its ass. I am tired of taking medicine to numb myself and marching on.
I told my daughter that I am going to attempt counseling again. I usually go and give up after 3ish sessions when I have to actually look at myself. Scary and sad stuff. She told me " you do have a crazy life" then proceeded to list off my stresses from a 17 year old viewpoint. What a girl, she growing up so great!
Mom, she said, you have a child with Crohn's disease (that's her), I know you worry a lot about that. Dad had a heart attack and isnt taking care of himself, you have a wild ADHD son and you have belly troubles yourself. That is a lot. Yes, yes it is. But there is no choice, I have to carry on. My family needs me. Dinner needs to be cooked, laundry washed and bills paid. And without me, this ship sinks. I dont have time to worry, or be sad, or help myself. This is life. We are all in this life and we all struggle with something.
So for now, I am on auto pilot. It feels like someone else is driving my body and I am just watching. I get up, get dressed, apply mascara, and do my duties. The house gets cleaned, laundry gets washed, kids get fed, errands get run. But it feels empty, cold, automatic. No joy in it. I feel alone. I should reach out to friends I trust and who understand but I dont want to bother them with my junk. I feel like I am a failure as a friend most of the time. And I dont want to hear what people think I should do or not do or hear my families role in my overloaded task list.
Other than my daughter, I dont think my husband and boys really notice if I am down. At least they dont say anything. I sense my husband getting frustrated with my apathy but he just stays out of my way when I am like this. He has confessed before that he really doesn't know what to do. I have told him ways he can help me and ways to warm me up and he is doing his best. Not his job to fix me anyway.
Someone asked for a list of priorities in my life to see if I can make things easier. The problem is I have no idea. I feel like I am just running and wiping up messes along the way. I thought of reading a few helpful books to sort things out. Except I cannot even tell you what I want or who I am right now.
God loves me. He wants the best for me. He doesn't leave me and i can always talk to him. That is my constant. I know he wants me to work through this and is allowing me to do so. This might be the right time, finally. I can fall apart and he can put me back together.
I just want to feel better. I want to get out of bed and feel normal. Happy, ready for the day, for life. Not dreading everything on my list.
So I made a therapy appointment for myself. It is in a few weeks, I am determined to work on myself and work through this. Figure it out. Get better. Be badass. I think it will be hard. I hope it will be good. Also hoping to have some more chicken posts for you soon, but now I will be trying to explain and work out this part of my struggle here. See you next time-joy
I am not really sad, at least I cant put my finger on what I am sad about. I feel numb, vacant, like I am frozen inside. My body hurts, my heart hurts. Everything is an effort.
I have struggled with depression as long as I can remember. An Aunt of mine used to call me "Suzy sad eyes" so maybe as a child I had troubles too, I dont remember.
It runs in my family, I think all the women on my moms side have struggled.
I want to be better, I want to work through it, figure it out, and beat its ass. I am tired of taking medicine to numb myself and marching on.
I told my daughter that I am going to attempt counseling again. I usually go and give up after 3ish sessions when I have to actually look at myself. Scary and sad stuff. She told me " you do have a crazy life" then proceeded to list off my stresses from a 17 year old viewpoint. What a girl, she growing up so great!
Mom, she said, you have a child with Crohn's disease (that's her), I know you worry a lot about that. Dad had a heart attack and isnt taking care of himself, you have a wild ADHD son and you have belly troubles yourself. That is a lot. Yes, yes it is. But there is no choice, I have to carry on. My family needs me. Dinner needs to be cooked, laundry washed and bills paid. And without me, this ship sinks. I dont have time to worry, or be sad, or help myself. This is life. We are all in this life and we all struggle with something.
So for now, I am on auto pilot. It feels like someone else is driving my body and I am just watching. I get up, get dressed, apply mascara, and do my duties. The house gets cleaned, laundry gets washed, kids get fed, errands get run. But it feels empty, cold, automatic. No joy in it. I feel alone. I should reach out to friends I trust and who understand but I dont want to bother them with my junk. I feel like I am a failure as a friend most of the time. And I dont want to hear what people think I should do or not do or hear my families role in my overloaded task list.
Other than my daughter, I dont think my husband and boys really notice if I am down. At least they dont say anything. I sense my husband getting frustrated with my apathy but he just stays out of my way when I am like this. He has confessed before that he really doesn't know what to do. I have told him ways he can help me and ways to warm me up and he is doing his best. Not his job to fix me anyway.
Someone asked for a list of priorities in my life to see if I can make things easier. The problem is I have no idea. I feel like I am just running and wiping up messes along the way. I thought of reading a few helpful books to sort things out. Except I cannot even tell you what I want or who I am right now.
God loves me. He wants the best for me. He doesn't leave me and i can always talk to him. That is my constant. I know he wants me to work through this and is allowing me to do so. This might be the right time, finally. I can fall apart and he can put me back together.
I just want to feel better. I want to get out of bed and feel normal. Happy, ready for the day, for life. Not dreading everything on my list.
So I made a therapy appointment for myself. It is in a few weeks, I am determined to work on myself and work through this. Figure it out. Get better. Be badass. I think it will be hard. I hope it will be good. Also hoping to have some more chicken posts for you soon, but now I will be trying to explain and work out this part of my struggle here. See you next time-joy
Sunday, September 2, 2018
Flare flare flare......invisible illness
I am currently in an autoimmune flare. Boo. It happens a few times a year and can last days, weeks or months. It's a drag.
I have celiac disease. Which is supposed to be completely controlled by a gluten free diet. Sometimes even after years of adherence to this diet, some folks still have symptoms. I am one of those folks. I recently had some blood work and everything came back normal and I tested negative for the gluten factor that would trigger symptoms. So what the heck?
My body just responds this way for who knows why and I just have to push through.
What does it look like? I have a rash on my cheeks and itchy bumps on my arms. I have bruises of unknown origin on my legs. I dont clot correctly so if I pick my face rash I bleed more than necessary. No big deal until I am working on a client and she says "um, joy, your face is bleeding" oops, keep my hands off my face! I also tend to lose a few pounds in a flare so my pants are a little less tight on my hinder ( I dont mind this part!)
What does it feel like?
My belly hurts when I eat. I feel like throwing up and sometimes do just that. The bones in my legs hurt. My shoulders ache. I have a headache. My eyes are sensitive to light. I am very tired. I am cranky and tired. And more tired. I get diarrhea. I have no appetite. Sometimes I am sad and want no social interaction.
What do I do about it?
I try to get extra sleep. I eat clean as possible. I gag down icky herbal tinctures that promise relief. I dropper and spread myself with coconut and essential oils in Hope's it will change my life. I smell good anyways! I try to explain to my family how I am feeling so they feel sorry for me, I mean so they help me. Occasionally I go to the doctor, but that really isnt much help, they dont know what to do with me either.
This time, my flare was triggered by an extended period of stress that ended in finding a new salon to work for as the one I worked at for 16 years closed its doors for retirement. I am very happy with my new place but the change was hard in my heart. I am adjusting.
In the meantime I am pushing through. Drinking a superfood smoothie and sorting the day's list.
Autoimmune diseases are called "invisible illness". A person struggling with one of these will look mostly normal and healthy on the outside even though there is a fire raging on the inside. In this state, when people say "how are you?" I want to respond, " my whole body hurts but my heart is happy" but instead, I usually say I am good because that is easier. This current flare is kicking my butt. But onward I go!! See you next time - joy
I have celiac disease. Which is supposed to be completely controlled by a gluten free diet. Sometimes even after years of adherence to this diet, some folks still have symptoms. I am one of those folks. I recently had some blood work and everything came back normal and I tested negative for the gluten factor that would trigger symptoms. So what the heck?
My body just responds this way for who knows why and I just have to push through.
What does it look like? I have a rash on my cheeks and itchy bumps on my arms. I have bruises of unknown origin on my legs. I dont clot correctly so if I pick my face rash I bleed more than necessary. No big deal until I am working on a client and she says "um, joy, your face is bleeding" oops, keep my hands off my face! I also tend to lose a few pounds in a flare so my pants are a little less tight on my hinder ( I dont mind this part!)
What does it feel like?
My belly hurts when I eat. I feel like throwing up and sometimes do just that. The bones in my legs hurt. My shoulders ache. I have a headache. My eyes are sensitive to light. I am very tired. I am cranky and tired. And more tired. I get diarrhea. I have no appetite. Sometimes I am sad and want no social interaction.
What do I do about it?
I try to get extra sleep. I eat clean as possible. I gag down icky herbal tinctures that promise relief. I dropper and spread myself with coconut and essential oils in Hope's it will change my life. I smell good anyways! I try to explain to my family how I am feeling so they feel sorry for me, I mean so they help me. Occasionally I go to the doctor, but that really isnt much help, they dont know what to do with me either.
This time, my flare was triggered by an extended period of stress that ended in finding a new salon to work for as the one I worked at for 16 years closed its doors for retirement. I am very happy with my new place but the change was hard in my heart. I am adjusting.
In the meantime I am pushing through. Drinking a superfood smoothie and sorting the day's list.
Autoimmune diseases are called "invisible illness". A person struggling with one of these will look mostly normal and healthy on the outside even though there is a fire raging on the inside. In this state, when people say "how are you?" I want to respond, " my whole body hurts but my heart is happy" but instead, I usually say I am good because that is easier. This current flare is kicking my butt. But onward I go!! See you next time - joy
Monday, August 6, 2018
Grain free chickens....part one
Let me first explain what "grain free" chickens are to me. I am not saying that my birds never eat any type of grain. They, like us, get the occasional bread and or discarded pizza crust or old rice or whatever. They do have some grain in their diet.
For me, I wanted to raise my chickens as cheaply and naturally as possible. They are scavengers, foragers and will eat just about anything. They are also lazy and will camp around a full feeder and stuff themselves like a football team at a pizza buffet if given the opportunity. Grain free means I no longer buy packaged 50 lb bags of chicken feed for my laying flock.
This has been an ongoing process for about 5 years and I have learned a lot along the way.
Mostly, my chickens eat compost, and the bugs that live in compost. They scratch around, eating whatever appeals to them in that decomposing pile. And they give me eggs, entertainment and beauty. Yes, I think my chickens are yard art!
Step one to starting grain free chickens is a compost pile. Also buy yourself a sturdy pitchfork, you're gonna need it! A compost pile does not need a container or anything fancy, you can literally just start a pile in your yard, on the ground. Make sure it is close to your chicken coop and the birds have access to it. They will take care of the rest!
Things to put in a compost pile....
For me, I wanted to raise my chickens as cheaply and naturally as possible. They are scavengers, foragers and will eat just about anything. They are also lazy and will camp around a full feeder and stuff themselves like a football team at a pizza buffet if given the opportunity. Grain free means I no longer buy packaged 50 lb bags of chicken feed for my laying flock.
This has been an ongoing process for about 5 years and I have learned a lot along the way.
Mostly, my chickens eat compost, and the bugs that live in compost. They scratch around, eating whatever appeals to them in that decomposing pile. And they give me eggs, entertainment and beauty. Yes, I think my chickens are yard art!
Step one to starting grain free chickens is a compost pile. Also buy yourself a sturdy pitchfork, you're gonna need it! A compost pile does not need a container or anything fancy, you can literally just start a pile in your yard, on the ground. Make sure it is close to your chicken coop and the birds have access to it. They will take care of the rest!
Things to put in a compost pile....
●fruit and veggie scraps
●paper products
●cardboard
●coffee and filters
●weeds
●yard waste (no sticks)
●bills you dont want to pay
●cotton rags
●coop bedding
●basically anything biodegradable that you would normally toss
I also keep a small bucket or bowl next to my sink and add ALL of our throw away food to this. At the end of the day I toss it on the pile and my chickens go crazy for it. They love people food. Especially meat. Protein is a huge part of their diet, usually supplied by bagged feed and bugs. The compost purists will say that you should never put dairy, meat or anything greasy in the compost but the chickens eat it so fast it has never caused a problem for me. So I do it anyway.
About once a week I turn the pile, or get it back to a semi neat heap as my birds have scratched it out about 10 feet from where it should be. Turning the pile helps it break down and reveals treats the girls havent found yet. I basically move it from one spot to another, once a week, maybe more depending on my anxiety levels. This is where you need a pitchfork! And ladies, want strong muscular arms and shoulders? Turn your compost! In the spring you will have a nice pile of black rotted compost that you can fertilize your garden with. And my personal favorite, no food waste in your trash!
I will be adding 3 more posts about grain free chickening to help you get started. It has been a great addition to my life and a source of pride for me as well.
See you next time - joy
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