Sunday, September 2, 2018

Flare flare flare......invisible illness

I am currently in an autoimmune flare. Boo. It happens a few times a year and can last days, weeks or months. It's a drag.
I have celiac disease.  Which is supposed to be completely controlled by a gluten free diet. Sometimes even after years of adherence to this diet, some folks still have symptoms.  I am one of those folks.  I recently had some blood work and everything came back normal and I tested negative for the gluten factor that would trigger symptoms.  So what the heck?
My body just responds this way for who knows why and I just have to push through.
What does it look like? I have a rash on my cheeks and itchy bumps on my arms. I have bruises of unknown origin on my legs. I dont clot correctly so if I pick my face rash I bleed more than necessary.  No big deal until I am working on a client and she says "um, joy, your face is bleeding" oops, keep my hands off my face! I also tend to lose a few pounds in a flare so my pants are a little less tight on my hinder ( I dont mind this part!)
What does it feel like?
My belly hurts when I eat. I feel like throwing up and sometimes do just that. The bones in my legs hurt. My shoulders ache. I have a headache. My eyes are sensitive to light. I am very tired. I am cranky and tired.  And more tired. I get diarrhea.  I have no appetite. Sometimes I am sad and want no social interaction.
What do I do about it?
I try to get extra sleep. I eat clean as possible.  I gag down icky herbal tinctures that promise relief. I dropper and spread myself with coconut and essential oils in Hope's it will change my life.  I smell good anyways! I try to explain to my family how I am feeling so they feel sorry for me, I mean so they help me. Occasionally I go to the doctor, but that really isnt much help, they dont know what to do with me either.
This time, my flare was triggered by an extended period of stress that ended in finding a new salon to work for as the one I worked at for 16 years closed its doors for retirement.  I am very happy with my new place but the change was hard in my heart. I am adjusting.
In the meantime I am pushing through. Drinking a superfood smoothie and sorting the day's list.
Autoimmune diseases are called "invisible illness". A person struggling with one of these will look mostly normal and healthy on the outside even though there is a fire raging on the inside. In this state, when people say "how are you?" I want to respond, " my whole body hurts but my heart is happy" but instead, I usually say I am good because that is easier.  This current flare is kicking my butt. But onward I go!! See you next time - joy

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