Social anxiety disorder.....the fear of social situations that involve interaction with other people. It is a pervasive disorder that causes anxiety and fear in most all areas of a person's life.
I have struggled in this area my entire life, a shy and quiet child and a nervous and uncomfortable teen I brought it with me to adulthood. It seems to be getting worse as I age. I am also getting better at recognizing it and calling it out for the nonsense that it is. I am getting more powerful in my push to work past it as well. Some days are harder and it takes some intervention from my husband to get me out the door. I also inform him when I am having a rough time. 20 years together and we are getting some things worked out! Ha!
Fear of others opinions of me.
Fear of rejection.
Fear of looking foolish.
Fear of not fitting in.
These are things that some assume to be the issues haunting my brain when I am faced with a social event. I used to think so as well. Sometimes those 4 fears follow me but that is not always the case. Everyone wants to belong and feel loved. I am the same. I dont really care much for what people think of me, I know I am different, I know I seem a little crazy, I love myself that way.
What social anxiety looks like at home before an event...
Setting out clothes to wear, then agonizing over my choice and setting out more.
Changing clothes several times.
Getting ready really early.
Fully ready and pacing the floor.
Discussing with my husband why I shouldn't go.
Using the toilet 100x in an hour before leaving.
Social anxiety out in public....
Standing on my toes.
Busying myself with kids or dogs.
Standing or sitting quietly when everyone else is talking. (Unfortunately has been perceived as snobbish behavior)
Finding work or jobs to do.
What social anxiety feels like to me.....
Shortness of breath
Squeezed heart
Panic on the inside
Fear similar to being chased
Wanting to run,leave, go home.
A few years back I took a few personality tests and gifting analysis classes. It was really enlightening to know that much about how I work. I found out that i wasn't really shy, i am an introvert. I process things internally before i can react verbally. So i observe and collect before I feel comfortable. I also found out that I have a unique gift. I have lived with it forever so I thought everyone worked the same. This gift allows me to feel another person's feelings. It is a gift from God so that I can be able to have compassion and know how to reach people. He wired me this way for a reason.
So go to your kids baseball game and imagine that you can feel everyone's feelings in the bleachers. Or at least a ten foot radius from your seat. She's angry, hes sad, this one is jealous over that one's new vehicle, they are happy, shes content, hes really liking the look of her legs in those pants, shes disappointed, hes grieving........aaaaaaaaaaaaa! Its overwhelming! That is the emotional soup I walk into when I walk into a crowd. So I usually sit myself down where I feel comfortable and stay there. Most of the time I want to talk to the folks who are hurting the most in hope that my words will show them some of Gods light. But sometimes I just cant. Many times people cry when they talk to me, somehow I bring that out in people and a little league game is not the place for that!
I have entered businesses or rooms and had to walk right out. Like something was going to swallow me there...Starbucks is one of those places. Not a good feeling there. Drivethru is fine!
I know I am not alone in this struggle. Many of us fight it and keep going. Put on that mascara and get out there! That's what I tell myself! If you see me out and about, please talk to me! It snaps me out of my bubble. Also if I have ever asked to talk with you, please let me! It takes a lot of bravery on my part to ask and God has great things to tell you through me.
See you next time- joy
You articulate a lot of what I feel. Thank you for this! I love you sweet friend!
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