Sourdough starter

I killed my sourdough starter! I tried gluten free sourdough starter as an experiment a few months ago. Everything was going really well, until a week or so of neglect, then it died. Now I have to start over.....that's ok, I will take you with me!
As a celiac, bread is something I dont really eat. Commercial gluten free bread is expensive and honestly,  not that good. I have baked many loaves and tried many recipes.  It always turns out dense, dry and disappointing. 
I had a day where I needed some bread. I will die today if I dont eat some bread is what my heart said. So I bought some gluten free sourdough.  It was $7 for 5 slices. Geez. I made 2 peices of garlic bread and then pretty much devoured the rest of the loaf. It was SOOOOOO good. I must make this!
So on to pinterest and research and find out how I can make my own. For less money and more work. That's how I like it. I made the starter, fed it attentively and watched it bubble and ferment. YAY!!! I baked bread, made bagels, muffins, pancakes and a chocolate cake for my birthday.
  It was all so good. Filled my belly and my need for bread. Then I had a busy week or two at work and neglected to feed my starter at the right times. Slowly it started to die. Less bubbles,  no yeasty smell, and mold! One must be committed to this stuff! This time, I will do better. Faced with the prospect of no bread for 2 weeks is a sad day.
Let's make some starter!
You need a glass jar, brown rice flour, water and a coffee filter.
The first 7 days are the most critical.  After that you can relax a bit.
To begin mix together 1/4 cup rice flour with 1/4 cup water in your jar and cover with coffee filter. Set on your counter. If you have other ferments going, such as kombucha or kraut, you want to keep sourdough starter away from them as they can weaken each other.
For the next 7 days you will want to feed your starter 3 times a day. 1/4 cup flour and 1/4 cup water. Timing isnt super crucial as long as you space it out. I do when I wake up, around lunchtime and before I go to bed.
After 7 days you can bake!! The starter also will go into maintenance stage at this point. It will need feeding at least once a day but I like to stick with twice. Every 12 hours or so. I will share my bread recipe in a later post.
Also, I have started an experimental YouTube channel.  It is Joyous Prairies and i will be sharing more about my life there. My therapist has encouraged me to do this and I hope it will be a benefit to you all and myself. See you next time-joy

Therapy is hard.

Therapy is hard. Its painful. It requires work. Work that cannot be done by someone else.
I started going to counseling in November . I was desperate.  I was feeling lost, stalled by the grief of losing Dad and overwhelmed by life. I knew many things in my life were out of balance but didnt know how to change them. Repeating the same sick patterns for years upon years doesn't change your situation.  So to therapy I went. I have made feeble attempts at this before. Usually quitting when things started to hurt. It is easier to stay in familiar patterns than change.
I went in thinking I would sit and talk about the things that make me sad, be validated for my feelings and get fixed up. It's more than that.
I have to look at myself. Look at the parts of my life and relationships that are dysfunctional. Things I have ALLOWED.  Things I continue to allow. All the times I should speak up and dont. Examining my own headspace and thought patterns. Calling myself out on reapeating thoughts that make no sense.
Work has to be done. I have to call myself out. I have to stop allowing bad behavior from others I love.  But its painful. It is easier to allow others to treat me the way they always have. Asking for a different way and voicing my needs feels selfish. I have to get out of my own way, allow healing to happen. Trust the process and do the things my therapist says to do. That is hard.
I will stick this out. I am in this to win. A happier heart, a better wife, a better mama. I am nothing to anyone if I am suffering inside. I dont want to fall back into a repeating self punishing pattern. In my family, addiction and self punishing is  rampant. I dont want that for myself or my children. It killed my dad. It killed my gramma. For myself, for them, I will keep trying. Its painful, it's very hard. I feel guilty about these things that are beyond my control. I have a feeling that I am failing everyone but when I look back, I am making progress.  Spring is coming and I cannot wait to get back in the dirt and sun

See you next time-joy

Spring cleaning

Ok, its January.  I realize that is not spring where I live. My mom always called this process spring cleaning so that's what I call it. The last thing I want to do when spring finally comes is clean my house. I want to be outside in the sun, the mud, and the fresh air. So most years right after the Christmas tree comes down, spring cleaning begins.
It's not really fun in the classic sense of the word but I do enjoy it. I am REALLY bored this time of year so this seems like a better thing to do than watch videos or eat chips. Which is otherwise what I would most likely be doing. And feeling down and wondering why my house isnt clean.
Anyways, I am really good at keeping my house tidy, washing dishes every day, doing laundry, mopping floors and vacuuming often.  You know, every day stuff. Dusting, cleaning ceiling fans, organizing closets, tackling piles of clutter.....not so good. I prefer to leave that sit for a long time and then when I am really disgusted,  tackle it all at once. Well kinda.
When I do a spring clean, my goal is one room a week. Starting with one wall per day. I know a room has only 4 walls but that gives you a few days off if you have to do things like go to work or care for a family or things like that. Kids and husbands really expect to be fed day after day. Like every day. Even if cobwebs are hanging from the corners and you cant close your closet doors. Really? Where are their priorities?

I start at the top of a wall. Every thing comes off the wall. If you have a lot of cobwebs you might need to sweep them off so you dont have a rain of wet dust falling on you. Ick. Then I wipe the wall top to bottom and scrub the base board.  After all wall hangings get inspected to see if I want to put them back up or not, the winners get a wipe and polish and hung back up. Sometimes it's easier to donate things than hang them back up so I do just that. Minimalism at its finest!!

If the wall you are working on contains a closet or cabinet,  everything comes out. Everything.  If I havent used it in a year it gets tossed or donated. Be ruthless. Shoving it back in the closet will not make you use it more. It just makes a mess. A mess or clutter is visual noise and we all need more peace in our lives, not more noise. 

While you work wall by wall and room by room make a list of things that need repair or replacing. Such as chipped paint,  dents in walls from teenage boys, banisters that have duct tape on the end because someone broke it and that was my no splinters quick fix. Seriously.  I have duct tape on my banister.  Classy. 

My cleaning solution is simple, hot water, a squirt of dish soap, 10ish drops of essential oil and if it's a greasy area like a kitchen, 1 cup of vinegar.  I like to use some bleach if I am doing a bathroom but dont tell my natural friends that. I hope to do a clothing closet post soon to give some tips on keeping your wardrobe happy. Spring is coming, it really is. 

See you next time -joy